Making the Case for An Open Marriage

Years ago, I got around to watching the video of Mo’Nique and her husband talking about their open marriage. The kind of marriage where they are ok with having other sexual partners. Now, as for me and my house, we ain’t sharing our good sex. But the thought of having a marriage that is open got me to thinking. So, hear me out…I’m feeling confident about making the case for an open marriage…

But then I thought, having an open marriage might not be such a bad idea... Click To Tweet

How can I have an open marriage?

When we enter into a covenant before God and with another person, we become as one flesh. That means that we are walking alongside another person, hopefully toward the same or similar goals and with the same intentions. We are still individuals by design, but we should be operating on an open and honest scale, sharing our hopes, dreams, fears, and insecurities. My relationship is an open marriage in that:

an open marriage talks about finances

We have a joint bank account. That was something that we decided on before we even got engaged. We make separate incomes and for a while, I made more than my husband. At one point, he wasn’t working outside of the home and we’re currently in the season of our marriage where I’m not working outside of the home. Who brings the most moolah into our home is irrelevant to our marriage, but how much money is being brought in is important and should be discussed.  Joint accounts don’t work for everyone but work that out before you walk down the aisle. Figure out where your funds will be transferred before the wedding. Whatever you decide, working together to manage your finances is a team effort.

an open marriage happens in the bedroom

Hebrews 13:4 says “Let marriage be had in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled: for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Don’t let your marital bed be made dirty. Now that doesn’t mean that you and your better half can’t or shouldn’t take a trip to the specialty store. Go wild…literally! But only if you’re both into that sort of thing. “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife. Do not deprive one another, except by mutual consent for a limited time, so you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again, so that Satan will not tempt you through your lack of self-control… ” {1 Cor 7:3-5} 

Sexuality within your marriage shouldn’t be a taboo topic. One partner may be more experienced than the other. The other may feel secure in monotony repetition and doesn’t have the first clue about how to spice things up. Talk about it! Marriage joins you to the person who you are promised to until you check out of the game of life. Have a conversation about what you like, when you like it, and how much you like for it to happen. It’s kinda important. 

an open marriage connects over the conversation

My hubby and I talk all day, every day. That hasn’t changed in the over 13 years that we’ve known each other. When I was working in corporate America, we’d be texting, emailing, IM’ing and sometimes calling simultaneously. I’m not even joking about that… You’d think that we’d get tired of talking to each other but we always have something to talk about. Whether it’s something really important or urgent or just shooting the breeze while we take a break from work, talking to each other is a priority. Staying in constant communication is vital to the health of your relationship. Whether “constant” is determined to be once a day or every 2 hours, make sure that you always keep the lines of communication open.

Disclaimer: communication is not just verbal. We also tell our spouse how we feel about them through our actions or lack thereof. A big thing to know in marriage is your spouse’s love language. Your love language is how you receive love. Too often, it’s incorrectly interpreted because we tend to show love the way that we receive love. Knowing your love language will help you to communicate how you need to be loved. Knowing your spouse’s love language will teach you how to love them.

an open marriage prioritizes friendship

My husband is truly my best friend. We can go to each other about anything. Saying “we need to talk” doesn’t send him into a panic (anymore) but he sees it as something is important and I need his attention. Being able to go to each other about any and everything is important in protecting the sanctity of your relationship. There should be no need to find a safe place or reassurance in a person outside of your relationship. Your heart and home should be a refuge and place of solace for each other. That starts in the foundation of a strong friendship. Leave and cleave your parents…and associates, friends, siblings, extra family members, etc.

Ironically, we often place priority on friendships over any other relationship. Marital relationships are included in that tragic mindset. Being mad at your husband is easy. Holding a grudge against your wife isn’t that hard to do. But we value friendships and don’t want our best friends to be upset with us. When you’re married to your best friend, you work harder and fight for the survival of the friendship. 

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