Marriage can create a lot of hustle and bustle. One of the biggest things that hold a great marriage together is communication. But when spouses get busy, other things like work and kids take priority, putting kinks up with the communication lines. When communication is blocked, the connection starts to disappear.
A lot of couple who stress about the way their marriage is going often say “I don’t feel connected anymore…” and, as the chasm between them grows, they drift apart from what they had when they said “I do.”
100 ways to stay connected with your spouse
The most important thing to remember is that it doesn’t take a grand, huge gesture to stay connected…or to reconnect…with your spouse. Pick one, a few, or all of the following 100 ways to stay connected with your spouse! Be intentional and consistent and keep the flame burning between you.
As you start your day:
- Do a daily devotional. The Bible App has a ton of great devotionals to strengthen you marriage.
- Pray together. Pray over each other.
- Share your agenda/plans for the day.
- Let them pick out one piece of your wardrobe to build your outfit on. Does he have a pair of shoes that he likes to see on you? Create an outfit that will be on his mind all day!
- Groom each other. Comb his beard. Let him pin up your hair. Take a few min to primp each other for the day.
- Learn to make each other’s favorite breakfast food. Your spouse got a thing for bacon? Here’s your time to shine!
- Eat breakfast together.
- Share an encouraging note. It can be on the fridge or in their lunch, if they take it. Send your spouse off with a surge of confidence and support that only you can give.
- If possible, carpool together to work. Take the time on the ride to discuss what you’re looking forward to that day.
- Establish a goodbye routine. Part ways with a deep embrace and a sincere kiss.
During the day:
- Download the SparkNow app. Connect with each other to set goals that are designed to meet each other’s needs…and win “prizes” at the end!
- Have lunch delivered. Check out Grub Hub or Door Dash. Have their favorite meal brought to them to take a task off their plate.
- Send a text to say you’re thinking about them. Naughty or nice? Dealer’s choice!
- Check in and make dinner plans.
- Make a quick check-in phone call on the way home.
- Pick up their favorite snack or candy. Stock up on candy (and brownie points!) on November 1st.
- Send a joke to make them smile/laugh. Share a funny video or meme to spread a little unexpected joy during the day.
- Send flowers or an edible arrangement. Fellas, we like this one.
- Make a public display of affection or appreciation on social media. You don’t have to go all out but your spouse will appreciate the public acknowledgment that you love and admire them.
- Run errands together.
- Take part in a friendly competition. Kick butt in your GamePigeon game of choice.
In the evening:
- Establish your greeting routine. Greet each other with sincere kiss and embrace.
- Dance together in the kitchen as you’re preparing dinner.
- Eat dinner together.
- Bake and share a sweet treat.
- Take a walk after dinner. Burn off the calories and warm your heart at the same time.
- Watch an episode of your favorite show. Have a late laugh to keep the endorphins flowing.
- Talk about your day. Unwind and decompress with each other.
- Enjoy a nightcap together.
- Play a game together.
- Do housework together. Help each other out to take care of the chores a little faster, leaving more time for the bedtime connection.
- Light the firepit and wind down.
- Lounge in his t-shirt or shorts. Get comfy when you connect.
- Give each other a back or foot massage. Help to release a little more stress from the day.
- Moisturize each other after a shower.
- Spray the pillows with lavender. Lavender is a very calming scent and works to ease the mind, allowing for peace to flow.
- Cuddle up. Did you know that cuddling actually works to relieve stress. The hormone released when you cuddle (called oxytocin) is nicknamed the “bonding chemical.”
- Hold each other and talk about your dreams for the future. See #37.
- Engage in pillow talk.
- Start a tickle fight.
- Have sex! You literally can’t be more physically connected than during intercourse.
On the weekends:
- Attend a wine tasting. Find a local wine tasting and spend some quality time together. Network and make new friends in the process!
- Go to a concert in the park.
- Double date with friends.
- Go to a movie.
- Visit a museum.
- Plan a picnic.
- Go to a sporting event.
- Participate in a game night.
- Go to a drive-in movie.
- Volunteer for a neighborhood clean-up project.
- Go to church.
Use your words:
Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. Proverbs 16:24 (NLT) One of the biggest…and smallest…thing you can do to connect or reconnect with your spouse is to use the words that come out of your mouth to strengthen your bond.
- Thank you.
- You’re welcome.
- I’m sorry.
- Please forgive me.
- I forgive you.
- I love you.
- I appreciate you.
- You first…
- How may I help?
- Is there any way that I can make it better?
- Create a love wall.
- Learn your partner’s love language.
- Make up a secret nickname that only the two of you know.
Take some time away:
- Plan a staycation.
- Go on a weekend getaway.
- Enjoy a cruise together.
- Put your phone on airplane mode.
- Set time limits for checking texts and emails.
- Have a tech-free night.
- Call in “sick” from work and play hooky together.
- Ride around the city, play tourist, and explore. Do you know everything that your city has to offer? Go out and discover it together!
- Lock yourselves in. Send the kids with family. Load up on your favorite binge snacks. Hide from the world.
- Decorate the living room like a place you’d like to vacation. Can’t get away to Hawaii just yet? Bring in some fruit and leis from the dollar store. Put on some tropical music and let your vacation imagination soar.
- Rent a cabin and explore nature. Or don’t explore. But having coffee with the view of God’s majesty with the one you love will be worth it.
Try something new:
- Try a new activity.
- Learn a new language together. Voulez vous couchez avéc moi? Teach each other some sexy slang.
- Plan a bucket list vacation.
- Try each other’s favorite hobby.
- Pick up a new hobby together.
- Take on a home improvement project together.
- Come up with a secret handshake.
- Mail a handwritten letter to your spouse for them to get when they come home.
- Create a secret language. Feeling a little rambunctious but the kids are around? Well, it would be a perfect time to talk about how your feet are cold and you’d really like to put on some socks. *wink, wink*
- Celebrate a random holiday. Did you know there was a National Men Cook Dinner Day or Wife Appreciation Day? Find a fun excuse to celebrate your spouse.
- Role play. Hot for teacher? Need the plumber to fix your pipes? Hey…the marriage bed is undefiled!
- Visit an adult store and pick out something you’d both like to try.
- Schedule a sexy photo session.
Build on what you have:
- Attend a marriage conference.
- Go to a marriage retreat.
- Listen to a marriage/relationship podcast together.
- Do a marriage book study together.
- Remember how and why you first fell in love.
- Create a memory book of your favorite moments.
- Re-watch your wedding video.
- Renew your vows.
- Present them with a best husband/wife award.
- Share marriage affirmations with each other.
Which thing(s) will you use to stay connected to your spouse? Let me know in the comments below!
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Katherine is the author of Wounds to Wisdom, The Marriage Advocate, and is the voice behind Yoked, an online ministry dedicated to helping women prepare themselves to be a wife. Married to her best friend, she is living out her purpose by encouraging others to enter into covenant marriages with their eyes wide open.