This one time…at band camp…
When I was in 6th grade, I went on a school field trip. I was excited to be going on this trip out of town with my “boyfriend.” I found out quickly that his idea of being in a relationship was far beyond my young, naïve years. On the train to D.C., I discovered that he just wanted me to touch his pee-pee.
How did my sexual development happen too early?
My friend held a workshop designed to teach young girls, specifically, to love themselves first so they hopefully don’t get into situations that a lot of us found ourselves in because we didn’t have anybody to teach us. It was taboo to talk about sex until you get married; and at this point it’s too late! It’s more than learning how to have sex but know what sex is and the responsibilities that come along with it.
So, there’s a back story. You were talking about how you used to be afraid of public speaking, which brought up a fairly traumatizing memory for me. When I was in sixth grade I ran for student body president. It was bad. There were only like maybe two people that gave me a pity clap.
So I said, “You know, even my little boyfriend didn’t clap for me…he didn’t love me he just wanted me to touch his pee-pee.”
We had our sixth-grade field trip, which took us from Mississippi to Washington DC on a train.
We were sitting on the train and he made sure that he got a seat just for us, you know there were people around but we were the only two in our seat. And so he’s kind of like you know kissing on me making out and I was protesting, thinking no I don’t want to do this. So, he sits back pulls his pants down, and pulls out his penis, and asked me to touch it.
He tried to convince me to touch his penis on a train.
This was in sixth grade.
How does sexual immaturity look in adult relationships?
My first sexual encounter is in the sixth grade where my boyfriend was trying to get me to touch his penis on a public train. When I refused, he tried to shame me for not doing it. And I felt bad like maybe I was supposed to do it; I don’t want him to be mad at me.
These are the emotions and exposure that I’m dealing with in the sixth grade.
As I’ve grown up and gone through other terrible relationships, I’ve recognized that I’ve been in places where he just wanted me to touch his pee-pee; he didn’t really love me.
When it comes to just sex in relationships, it has a lot to do with your level of maturity.
And unfortunately, sometimes the only way we have to measure maturity is by age. By this logic, if you’re this certain age, you should be at a certain maturity level.
Sexually Immature and only in it for sex
- In terms of sex, how do you know like the dude is just in it for sex?
- If he’s telling you what you want to hear to keep the sexual relationship going.
- He knows that you want to be married, so he keeps the option open. What is he actually doing to move towards marriage?
- Where does he see himself in five years? If any of his responses do not include you, then you might want to take pauses; especially if you’ve been dating for a while, and his future does not include you.
- You regularly talk with him and after the first few conversations, you know more about a sex game than you do about his professional name.
Want to know what else you can learn about sexual immaturity?
Check out Episode 2 of the podcast to hear as we continue to discuss:
- Why men look at sex the way they do
- What a man with the right intentions would do
- How premature exposure to sex causes trauma
- Why the relationship end goals are usually different for men and women
- How to be in a relationship that is about more than sex
- Your answer to moving forward when you realize he only wants you for sex
Listen in on episode 2 as we discuss premature exposure to sexuality and the trajectory such an experience can take.