Why would you ever leave a relationship when you so desperately want to be married? We are usually practicing our vows from the first time we pretend to marry our favorite teddy bear, so when we get into a relationship, we’re all in! End game: wedding ring.
We, unfortunately, don’t tend to plan for the marriage nearly as much as we plan for the wedding day.
And because we are so looking forward to the wedding day, we tend to overlook a lot of signs on the road to our happily ever after. I know from experience. I was engaged to 2 guys + taking serious steps toward a wedding prior to my husband. They were terrible relationships, but there were a lot of things that I was willing to overlook because I was so desperate + intent on just getting married. It took a lot to let go of those relationships and, in retrospect, I should have let them go a bit sooner. I recognize that my choices brought me to where I am, but I would be lying if I said that I don’t wish I’d made better + different choices…
One of the first + most important steps in establishing a healthy marriage is to go into it with the foundation of a healthy relationship. Sometimes a relationship runs its course and you have to work your way out the door. There are plenty of reasons that we often find to stay in a relationship, but what are good reasons to leave?
Reasons to Leave Your Relationship
- Your partner is {habitually} unfaithful. If you’re dating someone who is a chronic cheater, RUN {don’t walk} to the nearest exit! I understand that people make mistakes + transgressions can be forgiven. But if your partner cheats quite often, it’s because they can. Either you want to be faithful or you don’t. There’s really no middle ground. James 1:8 says that a double minded person is unstable in all they do. I’ve learned that people who can get away with cheating will do it and that when they’re sorry, it’s only because they got caught. Don’t stay in this relationship if you’re going to have to look over their shoulder or hire a PI to find out what they’re up to when out of your line of sight. If you are going to go to those extremes, you should leave. If you’re already married and wondering if you’re scripturally allowed to get a divorce, check out this post.
- Your partner is mentally or physically abusive. There are too many conversations that start with “Well, he only hit me once and it was my fault because I did XYZ. He didn’t mean it…” Honey, that’s BS. Just like a cheater, if your partner hits you, it’s because you let them. And please don’t think I’m minimizing domestic violence or blaming the victim. I was in an abusive relationship and tried everything to keep him happy so that he wouldn’t be angry me. The control he had over me was reflective of the power that I gave him. Real talk…if you’re in an abusive relationship and need help getting out, visit the NDVHotline online or call 1-800-799-7233 if you’re afraid of being monitored online. Also recognize that mental abuse is just as bad {if not worse} than physical abuse. 7 years + as many failed relationships after I left my abusive relationship, I needed intense therapy to just be able to receive a compliment without cringing. It’s not worth it to stay. If you’re being abused in any way, and especially if they are not trying to get help, you need to leave! Don’t get married thinking that they’ll change. You have a better chance at winning the lottery.
- You’re unhappy and unsatisfied. I’m not talking about the trivial “I’m not in a good mood because she didn’t have a beer waiting on me after I told her I had a long day…” sort of unhappy. Your partner is not ultimately responsible for your happiness. You are! If you know that you’re only with someone to fill a void, you shouldn’t be with them. It’s not fair to either of you + you’re not doing anyone any favors. It’s not worth it to stay. You shouldn’t enter into or stay in a relationship because you’re depending on the other person to make you happy. If you want a solid relationship and, eventually a solid marriage, you have to get your life together first. People are fallible and will inevitably do something to let you down, so you need to have your self-esteem pre-packaged + ready to go.
- You have different goals or paths in life. Your individuality should never be sacrificed for a relationship or marriage. But you have to be willing to walk the same path with your partner. If he wants one career and you want the other, but you are still in the same city? Probably cool. If he wants to be a flight attendant, you may want to decide if you can do frequent long distance. You desperately want to be a mother and he can’t stand children? Probably need to let that go while you can…
Marriage is about compromise. If you can’t compromise on serious issues, then you really have no business walking down the aisle together. There will always be obstacles to overcome in any relationship but if you start out going in completely different directions, where in the world will you ever meet? Do not let the spirit of fear {of being alone} keep you in a bad or unproductive relationship. If you know + confirm at any point that it’s not going to work out, have the courage to walk away.
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