Change happens in life, but no one enters into a relationship with the end goal being to leave it. Being realistic, there will be times that a woman needs to stand up for herself + for what Christ would have her to do. Sometimes, that change involves walking away from a relationship that we were so desperately seeking. Having a strong relationship with Christ is the obvious requirement but there are additional reasons why you would need to leave him alone…
10 Reasons to Change Your Relationship Status
- He has anger issues…that he’s not willing to admit or resolve. Everyone gets angry + upset. A lot of us have a temper. The deciding factor is whether or not you can deal with these emotions in a healthy manner. There are a lot of verses about anger, but Proverbs 15:18 tells us that “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, But the slow to anger calms a dispute.” Join yourself to someone who knows how to turn down the anger when necessary.
- He is unwilling to be faithful. A lot of women get married believing that they can “change a man” or that they can sleep their way into a ring. The only person that can change him is him. If you’re dating someone who is not ready to be with one person before marriage, it’s not likely that they’ll change after the wedding. Staying with them through serial cheating shows them that you accept the behavior.
- He is unwilling to work or be responsible. The man is designed to be the head of the household. Even if your work dynamic is that the woman will work + the man will stay home with the kids, he’s still the head. Being the head means protecting + providing for the family, in whatever way works for your family. If he is not willing to fulfill the role of loving + sacrificing for you as Christ did for His church, then he’s not the one sent for you.
- You have to change into a different person around him. Marriage is the type of relationship where you’re going to spend a LOT of time around each other. If you can’t be your authentic self around him for fear of ridicule or judgment, you are with the wrong person. Your yoke will love you for you.
- Your paths are going in different directions. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. We all have a path + a purpose in our life. In marriage, if you are not walking together, you will eventually start to drift apart. At some point, your paths will diverge. You don’t have to be doing the exact same thing, but you have to get there together.
- He has a pessimistic or defeatist mindset. Sure there are going to be days/situations where we will feel down + disappointed, but joy is a fruit of the Spirit. It’s a part of agape love…the kind of love that will sustain life itself. If he isn’t centered enough in his relationship with Christ to find joy, especially when the times get hard, it’s going to be a rough road for your marriage.
- He brings out the worst in you. Hebrews 1:24-25 instructs us “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works…but encouraging one another…” In covenant relationships, they are a reflection of the marriage of Christ + the Church. You can’t share the ministry of marriage with someone who doesn’t seek, find + encourage you to be your best self.
- He has a hard time with the concept of forgiveness. We can’t ask God for forgiveness if we’re not willing to give it to others. There are going to be many times where you’ll need to ask for forgiveness in your marriage. If you’re with someone who has a difficult time forgiving you + is more comfy holding a grudge, beware of what you’re walking into.
- You’re not comfortable with him being alone around your kids or family members. Trust is a vitally important aspect of marriage. If you’re not ok with leaving him alone with your young children or with a female family member, you shouldn’t be with him. Whether it’s because you think that he’ll be inappropriate or you don’t feel as if he can handle someone being inappropriate with him. If you don’t trust him, there isn’t a very strong foundation for marriage.
- You have to find reasons to stay in the relationship. We have our reasons for wanting to date + get married. We make the list of pros vs cons when we consider the companionship. But if you’re trying to justify why you’re with him + are talking yourself into staying, you may have come to the end of the road on your relationship.
With all of this, it goes both ways. If you’re the person exemplifying these traits in your relationship, you’re not ready to be married either. In that case, it really isn’t him, it’s you. For all of the things that you wish to receive in a husband, you have to be willing to give as his wife. Work on you before you yoke yourself to another person + be willing to change your relationship status if you’re not ready for the next step.
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Katherine is the author of Wounds to Wisdom, The Marriage Advocate, and is the voice behind Yoked, an online ministry dedicated to helping women prepare themselves to be a wife. Married to her best friend, she is living out her purpose by encouraging others to enter into covenant marriages with their eyes wide open.