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Let’s jump right in and talk about marriages in a pandemic. Some were already on rocky ground and didn’t make it; they were only surviving through the ability to spend so much time away from each other. They overly relied on the ability to get out and socialize with others. For those of us who made it through the toughest parts of the pandemic with our minds intact (or held together by duct tape), there was one thing that we discovered about our marriages: what we really thought about our spouses… As the world seemed to implode, the romance in our relationships may have fizzled out a little bit too.
Shifting from an office to a work-from-home situation was a big adjustment for many of us. In our household, we had to work from a single office. I didn’t mind sharing my space. We couldn’t share the one little desk, so I built a 10-foot desk that fit both of us.
My husband is a therapist, so being in the office wasn’t an option when he was seeing clients all day. So by virtue of the business, I got pushed out of our joint office. While I didn’t mind so much, it definitely cut into the time that I thought we’d have while working together.
But How Do You Keep the Flame Lit?
The pandemic did one of two things: brought couples closer together or pushed them further apart. It became much harder to separate work from home, as those things were happening in the same place. We had to be intentional about reconnecting with each other.
Working from home presents another issue. It becomes much easier to take each other for granted when you’re in the same space for long periods of time. Seeing your spouse is not the same as noticing your spouse. Noticing your spouse is not the same as appreciating your spouse.
How to Relight the Spark in Your Relationship
Intimacy is deeper than being sexual with your spouse. Yes, it can lead to that for sure! The act(s) of intimacy is about being intentional in creating a bond. Identifying the need for more “wood on the fire” means that there is an action that should be taken. Try some fun, inexpensive ways to create intimacy and relight the spark in your relationship.
Plan A Candlelight Dinner
A nationwide lockdown kept us from doing a lot of the things that we were used to doing. For us, that was being able to enjoy date nights out, going to food and wine festivals, and simply enjoying time with friends. As a result, we had to come up with creative ways to recreate that experience.
This is an endeavor that can be done in a few, easy steps. First, decide on a simple menu from your favorite cuisine. Secondly, set the table for 2. Yes, 2. Kids are not allowed! Thirdly, set decor and tea light candles on the table. Lastly, light the candles to enjoy dinner and conversation between the two of you.
Here’s a bonus: tea light candles can be added to your emergency kit! If you prefer flameless candles for safety reasons, try these.
Light An Actual Fire
A literal fire helped to rekindle the spark in our marriage. We developed a custom of ending our day around the fire pit on the patio. Sitting next to the fire gives you the chance to bring intimacy back into your relationship. How? Snuggling allows for physical contact. Communication makes space for both emotional and mental connections.
If sitting by the firepit is your thing, let me share this fun find with you!
We’ve been trying to use fewer chemicals in our home, which includes moving away from using lighter fluid. I was asked to try an electric candle lighter made by REIDEA. One of the coolest things I’ve ever seen, it’s got some pretty awesome features:
1. One charge can discharge hundreds of times. Each full charge will allow you to use the lighter 60 times; you can recharge it 300 times, which gives you up to 18,000 uses!
2. A security lock to keep the children away from the fire. It’s designed so that it can’t be used without turning off the security lock. Designed to be discreet, you won’t immediately realize that you have to flip the switch to operate.
3. It’s a great lighter tool for candles, camping, and so much more. It’s very compact and you can take it just about anywhere.
If you want to give it a try, find it here and use code Katherineoff for 20% off.
Creating Flameless Sparks
If a fire pit is not really your thing, never fret! This series of articles will provide you with great alternatives to rekindle the romance in your marriage.
Whether you want to play, flirt, or eat your way back to each other, here are 100 ways to stay connected to your spouse.
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