June has historically always been the month for weddings. It’s the perfect time of the year, everyone is out of school and planning vacations. What better time to bring everyone together to celebrate a wonderful life event? In the planning process, the biggest question is always: how much will this cost? The financial cost is the driving factor for almost every decision made. Most people, however, don’t stop to ask: what is this wedding really going to cost me?
What did we pay for?
When you start planning your wedding, most people {particularly us women} have super lofty ideas about where we want the wedding to be, what we want it to look like, who we want to be a part of all of the festivities. We sometimes forget about the smaller costs that have to be added in like tips, fees, taxes, and emergencies. We DIYed our wedding to try to cut costs. My mom bought my dress from a consignment shop. We won his groom’s cake and one of his wedding bands. I designed and printed our invitations to include everything in one piece that could be taken apart. I crafted almost everything from the chocolate favors to the wedding party’s jewelry to my fascinator and card box.
The majority of the cost came from the actual venue. We had it at the Westin – Beale and it was amazing. We had just under 200 guests actually show up {we’d invited almost 500!} and it was a night to remember. The chef created an incredible custom menu for us. Hubby and I decided on a travel themed wedding, so all of the food was from 8 of the locations to which we’d traveled. Conch fritters celebrating the Bahamas and duck confit egg rolls to celebrate China were just some of the dishes we enjoyed. In total, we pulled it for about $12K. Seeing as the average cost of a wedding, on the higher end, is almost $33,000 I feel like we did ok.
What does a wedding REALLY cost?
The actual cost is calculated after the wedding day. One of the most incorrectly recited verses is 1 Corinthians 7:4. Not familiar with the citation? It’s the one that says your husband owns your body, most often used by the man who believes he can have sex with his wife whenever he wants. If you keep reading, you’ll get to the end of the verse where it says that the wife owns the husband’s body. For clarification and context, here it is:
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise, the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her body, but the husband. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife. Do not deprive yourselves, except by mutual consent for a limited time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer… {1 Corinthians 7: 3-5a}
I’m not going to go into the married sex talk but needed to share what the Bible says about what a wedding marriage is really going to cost you.
It will cost you your independence.
This is the first and most important thing to know. If you’re still in a place where you’re concerned about just “doing you,” then this isn’t the job for you. Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; and Mark 10:7 all provide a two-point plan for what happens when you walk down the aisle. You leave your parents {and their habits, ways, and dysfunction} and cleave to your spouse. As the role of protector and provider, your husband has the responsibility of guiding you in your spiritual and emotional walk.* He can only guide someone who wants to be guided. You will need to make decisions together. You have to respect each other.
*For man-to-man advice in this area, you may want to ask him to read this article.
It will cost you your pride.
Pride and ego, when weaponized, can be incredibly effective. In relationships, these weapons can cause dissension and destruction. If you want to have a marriage that thrives, check this particular ammunition at the threshold. Pride and ego will keep you from being able to see if you’re in the wrong. It’ll keep you from saying you’re sorry. It will shut down lines of communication. It will give the enemy a foothold in your marriage. Understand that there is a fine line between being proud and being prideful. Work on keeping the latter in check for the success of your marriage.
It will cost you your time.
A garden has to be planted, watered, and tended before you harvest the fruits and veggies of your labor. It doesn’t produce this bounty overnight. The same goes for marriage. In order to have a thriving marriage that produces the beautiful fruit you hunger for, you have to nurture it. Nourish it with love, tenderness, humility, kindness, forgiveness, and compassion. You will have to invest the time before and after the wedding day. When you vow to do all of the things at the altar, you’re committing to investing your time.
Take the time to add up the costs. Trust me, marriage is going to cost you. We “budgeted” for all of this before we got engaged and had enough in our love bank to nurture our marriage. If you want to figure out your marriage budget, grab your copy of The Marriage Planner™.
Which of these costs was the most unexpected for you? Let’s discuss it in the comments below!
Much needed post.
I find folks focus so much on the wedding ceremony, but very little else.
Thank you!
It still astounds me, but it’s absolutely true. Yes, the actual ceremony is a big deal, but it’s not the most important thing. That mindset is certainly keeping my husband’s marital counseling going, but we’d much rather folks prepare for marriage more than the wedding day.