There is a list going around the inter webs about tips from the 50s on how to take care of and look after your husband. As a submissive wife, even I feel they are enough to make feminism cringe in the trenches. Real or not, it’s not a stretch from the mentality of old. Our challenge is this: we have to intersect how Christ would have us behave as wives, while maintaining our rights and desires to be honored and respected; we get to do all of this while serving our husbands. A new perspective on how to make your home comfortable is another installment in this fun series about Tips to Look After Your Husband!
Make Him Comfortable and Make the Evening His
Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax-unwind.
Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to come home and relax.
Don’t greet him with problems or complaints. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
Yeah, ok…
Ladies, this is the thing.
A home should be a place of refuge, but this isn’t just something for the man to come home to; it should be a refuge for the husband, the wife, the children…even the pets. It should be comfortable for all who enter. These tips may be quite archaic but they are not completely off base with their intentions.
Make Your Home Comfortable
One of my favorite…unexpected…resources for keeping a happy home is a book by TD Jakes called He-Motions. There were a lot of things that I learned in that book about men, especially Black men, and what they go through on a daily basis. My husband was married before and one of the big things that we talked about often was the strife and tension in his household. It was so bad that he often didn’t want to come home. He became a workaholic just so he could have some peace in his life. I knew that I didn’t want that for our marriage, so I worked hard to make sure that I was a safe space for him.
It didn’t turn me into a Might Morphin’ Power Doormat. It did open my eyes to what I could do as my husband’s rib and helpmeet to make our home a safe place for him, for myself, and for our relationship.
4 {Modern} Ways to Make Your Home a Place of Peace
- Greet your partner. My hubby and I kiss as soon as we walk in the door. No huge make-out sessions, but just a sweet greeting. It was actually him who made this rule. I love it. It’s an acknowledgement that we see the other person and are redirecting our attention to being home. I love how the NASB version says “Greet one another with a kiss of love.” {1 Peter 5:14}
- Wait before you argue. We rarely fight. When we do, it’s over something that we typically need to go ahead and hash out. Even if I’m mad at him, I don’t start screaming as soon as he walks through the door. Taking a moment to reign in my anger allows me to think through what I’m feeling and how it’s going to come out; it also allows him time to brace himself. He and I both know what it’s like to walk into a firestorm and for the stability of our home, we take care to keep it as safe as possible. He totally lived out Proverbs 25:24 in his first marriage {Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife} and that wasn’t a repeat performance that either of us want to endure.
- Keep his chair clean and available for him. After 6 years of marriage, we finally got adult furniture. I work from home, and never in my office, so I end up splaying things all over the place. Guess where the first spot to get cluttered is… Even with my stuff EVERYWHERE, I make sure that I move it from his chair. He’s much less frustrated if he has somewhere to relax when he gets home.
- Go ahead and ask him how his day was. Yes, this is a servant’s attitude. Not as a slave, but as his partner who is vested in his well-being. These conversations aren’t {or shouldn’t be} one-sided. Simply asking one another how your day was opens up the avenues of conversation and builds up intimacy in your relationship. Even if you’re not yet married, you can establish and maintain intimacy in your relationship through conversation. I freely tell everyone, hubby included, that one of the things I love most about him is being able to talk to him. Ephesians 4:29 says it deeply, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” Intimacy isn’t about having sex, but is about establishing and maintaining a bond that is special and sacred to just the two of you.
When you’re preparing for marriage, have the conversations about what you expect from each other. My husband didn’t want to come home in fear of what would be waiting for him. We had these conversations and coming home to each other has been a blessing of peace for us.
The only time that I’m nervous to come in the house is when I didn’t beat him home after a day of shopping…
Grab your copy of The Marriage Advocate for a interactive guide on the conversations you should have as you prepare for marriage.
How will you work together to make your future home comfortable and a place of peace? Let me know in the comments below!
As this is Manners Month, I have to share a book from my Manners Maven friend, Classy Sharelle! Her manuelette, Classy, Black Girl: The Rules is available! Don’t be the 21st century lady acting like a cavewoman. Grab your copy today!
Leave a Reply