Disclaimer: Great Sex, Christian Style is a book by Ned Pelger which shares an incredibly intimate conversation about the history of sex in the Bible and how that determines our outlook on Christian sex in marriage today. I received a copy of this book and compensation to review and share my honest opinion of his work.
Christian sex is not a topic that will generally be brought up in community conversations. By the time that we get married, what most of us learn about sex is from engaging in it premaritally or from what society tells us it should be. And most of the time, all of that information is warped, askew, or flat out wrong.
Those of us aiming to do sex the way that God intended it are often clueless when it comes to getting dirty in a pure way. I’m not being puritanical in any sense, but sex has sometimes been a taboo conversation in my own marriage; talking about desires and curiosities with each other wasn’t always the easiest subject to broach. I was definitely more sexually experienced that him. My husband and I decided to stop premarital sex shortly before our engagement. We were both a little nervous on our wedding night, wondering if it was “ok” for us to hook up.
I’m not a prude by any means, but sometimes I’m a little shy talking about the ins and outs of marital sex as a Christian…in public. Christians have an “image” to uphold and aren’t usually apt to confess our sexual activities to each other; this hesitation often leaves us wondering how this sex in marriage thing really works.
While I encourage couples to wait until marriage to have sex, these are conversations that need to be had with a couple. Not so in depth as to tempt you, but to open up a dialogue and at least try to be on the same page.
Questions About Christian Sex
We have questions:
- What is Christian sex?
- Does good Christian sex exist?
- Is everything permissible in the marriage bed?
- What are the rules for Christian sex?
I read Great Sex, Christian Style by Ned Pelger, but I honestly wasn’t quite sure what to expect…
The book was great {in my opinion} because it went very much into depth in covering the history of sex within the Christian community and answered some lingering questions that I’ve had over the years. For example, I always wondered why the adulterous woman in was brought out to be stoned but the man wasn’t. Did you know that in that time, men were free {and expected} to have sex with many women for a variety of reasons? If a man had sex outside of his marriage, it was a cultural norm. The literal Old Testament Hebrew definition of adultery was the act of a married woman having sex with any man other than her husband. If a woman did the same, she was committing adultery and it was a crime punishable by death.
I’m glad that Jesus stopped those people in their tracks and reset how we’re supposed to behave with our spouses!
Pelger even answers why Rahab the prostitute was justified by her works, despite being a prostitute…
The Parts of Christian Sex
The layout of the book makes it very easy to decide what you’d like to read. Pelger writes the odd chapters {1, 3, 5…} with sex tips and ways to enhance your sex life, with the even chapters {2, 4, 6…} covering the history and culture of sex in the Bible. If you’re not quite ready for the sex tips, you can meander right through all of the even numbered chapters to learn a little more about the historical significance of sex. If you want to skip the history lesson and learn how to get it on with your spouse, the odd numbered chapters are going to be your go-to.
This book holistically approaches to how the past, present, and future of how our sexuality is intertwined with our perceptions of sex and what is or is not ok in the marital bed.
The book also describes how the Fruits of the Spirit are used as the basis to building intimacy in a marital relationship. Galatians 5: 22 reminds us that these fruits are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To quote Pelger, “As we strive each day to live into these attributes, we make ourselves attractive to our spouses. We create desire and intimacy,” (p.98.) He adds that “if you want to have fun with your clothes off, work on how you live with your clothes on,” (p. 99.) In marriage, spirituality and sexuality are intricately intertwined and interdependent upon each other.
Other points of relevance in the book are that:
- Agape love is an individual effort. We can’t use it to try and force our spouse to do what pleases us. It’s a love that leads by example.
- In the game of intimacy, the opposite of love is indifference, not hate. Great sex in a marriage is bolstered by keeping romance and connection alive.
- In some ways you have to treat your marriage like a business and that means planning for your marital success.
Book Review
Overall, this was an incredibly informative book. Cultural norms in Biblical times affect the way that we look at sexuality now; I received a bit of insight as to why things seem so one-sided or gender-biased in Scripture. Be ready to learn how to please {and be pleased by} your spouse when you pick up this book! It’s truly packed with lots of insightful and descriptive information.
Disclaimer: there are certain topics in this book with which I do not agree. The author spends a bit of time speaking to homosexuality and its place {or lack thereof} in the Bible. I hold fast to Romans 1:24-28 which tells of those who did not honor God with their lives, engaging in all sorts of behaviors that dishonored their bodies and their purpose in life, and who were turned over to depraved minds. No matter our interpretation of the sin of homosexuality, we should love people with an unconditional agape love.
I think I’ll keep it next to the bed for a little “light” reading…
- This would be a great gift for a newlywed couple, who may be too shy to ask for advice.
- It’s also a great resource for couples needing to find the intimacy in their marriage again!
- The book provides a very honest and open dialogue for speaking to your teenagers about sex.
- If you or anyone you know is struggling with how or why to support someone in the non-heterosexual community, there is great advice on how to proceed in Christian love.
Book title: Great Sex, Christian Style
Author: Ned Pelger, PE
Book form: Paperback, available on Amazon
Content Length: 267 pages { 289 pages in entirety}
Great review, thank you!
Thank you!