On Bended Knee: To Ask is To Propose A Covenant

There has been an increase in reverse proposals over the last few decades. Some people think it’s cute for the woman to propose to the man, some think it’s bold because women need to be more assertive in their relationships, some think that it’s a definite no-no.

To Propose or Not to Propose?

Ladies, that is the question.

I read an article about what it’s like to be the woman to propose. I was very curious about their reasons for doing what they did but, admittedly, I read it with prejudice. I’m against a woman proposing, but we’ll get to that in a min…

So the reasons that these ladies gave that inspired them to propose to their man first:

• “I knew I loved him and wanted to get on with it.”
• “I decided to propose…after we’d been dating for about 7 years. We’d talked about getting married a lot, but it didn’t seem like he was ever going to do it and I’m not exactly a patient person.”
• “I could tell he was thinking about asking me to marry him in the future…one day…I was like, ‘I want to get married, so do you want to marry me?'”
• “…our relationship plateaued because neither one of us was ready to take that leap…I proposed because it was time for us to move forward…”
• “…a woman was talking about how she proposed to her husband and I was really fired up. It {was} January and I really wanted to get married this year. I was starting to feel like I wouldn’t have enough time to plan my wedding if he didn’t pop the question so I cornered him while we were on the highway and said, “I’m getting married this September with or without you. So are you in?”

The Holy Proposal

Their comments {as seems to be a constant with other women who I know are seeking marriage} say that there is some invisible timeline that they’ve established for the progression of their relationship. It’s way too much to get into here, aka there’s another post down the road, but here’s the thing: if your man is not ready to propose, he’s not ready to be married.

A proposal is more than just asking “will you marry me?” It’s asking another person to enter into a covenant with you.

Christ proposed the covenant with the Church {His bride} and, if we are to model our marriage after this example, the man is to propose the covenant with his intended bride. Christ has established the rules of the covenant and man has no leeway to change the rules of said covenant. We {the Church} follow His lead as His bride.

As the rules apply to the marriages between mortals, the person who asks for a hand in marriage and invites the other person into the covenant.

This is why I’m against women proposing to men.

How would the world be if we made up the covenant and presented it to Christ with our rules? Well, just take a look around. Seems as if folks are trying to do that very thing these days…

Seek and He Shall Find

Proverbs 22 says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”

When a woman takes it upon herself to propose to a man, she is inviting him into a covenant with her. She is taking the lead on the course and timing of the relationship. She is doing things out of order. The man is supposed to be the head of the household. When a woman proposes…when she moves the relationship forward into a covenant marriage…she takes on that role. Sometimes we have a tendency to not allow our male to grow into the role of being the man of the house. We steer out of our own lane into his.

Rom 8:25 reminds us “But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” Psalm 37:7 says “”Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him…” There are so many verses on being patient in the Scriptures, so why are we always rushing into things?

I Propose A Change

So, I propose a change. A change in our mindset and in our behaviors. What should you do if you’re tired of waiting on him to pop the question?

1. Keep waiting. In order for a man to be the head of the household, to actually be able to live out his covenant with you, he needs to be mentally and spiritually prepared to do so. You can…and should…support his spiritual growth, but you can’t rush his process.
2. Walk away. If you’re in a relationship where you’re seeking marriage and he’s perfectly happy “playing house,” then you’re already unequally yoked. You probably shouldn’t be in that relationship and God is trying to tell you something.
3. Worry about yourself. As controversial as it may sound, it might be you. Work on yourself and your relationship with Christ. Getting closer to Him should be the priority, whether you’re single or married.

All that said, date and marry with the Scriptures in mind, always being aware of Divine order. Start your covenant off on the right foot and let him be the one to get down on one knee.

I’m curious to know…do you think there is ever a time when it’s ok for a woman to propose to her man? Let me know in the comments below!