I do quite a few things better than my husband. I can paint my nails better than him, I can decorate cookies better than him, I can craft better than him.
But in my relationship, that doesn’t really matter. In a relationship, you and your partner have different strengths and weaknesses, but it shouldn’t be a contest on who can do the most for the other person.
To boast is defined as to speak with exaggeration and excessive pride, especially about oneself.
The main thing to remember about being in a long-term relationship + marriage is that it will not be 50/50 and giving 100% will not always be enough. I do indeed suck at math but I know that you will sometimes have to give 150% to sustain your marital relationship.
What does this have to do with boasting? Why would this be considered an act against agape love? It’s easy to start keeping score and putting yourself on a fragile pedestal when you start thinking that you’re better than your partner…
Bragging about what you do for the other person can be incredibly damaging:
- Damaging to her self-esteem because she feels belittled about her weaknesses. I had trouble keeping our bank account in the black because I would spend faster than I could document it and lost count of how many notifications I received about our account being below $100. My husband didn’t fuss too much and he took over the responsibility. He didn’t make me feel bad about it. Less overdraws + happy hubby = good relationship + money for bills!
- Damaging to his ego because you’ve taken away his natural desire and responsibility to lead. There were certain things that my hubby did that weren’t the way that I would have done them. But I had to learn a level of submissiveness that would allow + hold my husband accountable for what he was supposed to do.
When we went through marriage counseling, our minister’s wife asked me who would take out the trash. Of course I said that he would and she wanted to know why that would be his responsibility. She made me think about the fact that in marriage, there are no gender roles…there shouldn’t be, if you want it to work. There are different things that a man can do or a woman may be more inclined to do, but in our household:
He: cooks most of the meals involving meat, takes out the trash, folds the laundry, does the grocery shopping.
She: loads the dishwasher, brings the trash+recycling container back in, washes the laundry, cleans the house.
There are roles that we naturally fall into, but they should never be held against your partner, making them feel “less than” because you “do more” in the relationship.
You should just do to make it work!
In 2014, my husband decided to quit his job. He was in a position that was beginning to compromise his ethics and was starting to make him be a little mean. We decided that it would be best that he left that employer and find work elsewhere. The thing was, it was really hard for him to find a new job. He applied for many positions, all over the country and nothing. For almost a year, there was nothing. For almost a year, I was the sole provider for our household. I went to work every day + brought home the bacon to keep our household going. He became the house-husband.
The vital part was that he was still the head of our household and was treated as such, regardless of his income level. There was no situation that we could be in where I’d ever have the right to demean or belittle my husband, where I’d be allowed the arrogance to say that I was better than him in our season of change.
In covenant relationships, the only thing we are allowed to be better than is to be a better wife than we were the day before, to be a better husband because it’s a God-given responsibility, to be a better Christian because that should be our highest priority…in and out of marriage.
We can easily quote Proverbs 31 and aspire to be her but (men love Eph 5:23) when we try to compare ourselves and our contributions to our partners, remember Matt 7:4 which says “Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?” Guys, don’t let 1 Peter 3:7 slip past you: Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
If you’re ever going to brag about anybody in your relationship {marriage} let it be in love that you brag on the other person, not against them.
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