There is still a phenomenon raging with the Build-A-Bear franchise. If you don’t have kids in your life, you may not be familiar with the store. It’s pretty popular though…I don’t have any children, but I’m aware of the store + have been tempted to build one myself. If you need a refresher on the concept, it’s a store where you can build your teddy bear to the specifications you want: fur, color, animal, whatever. You can pick out their little clothes + shoes, making them look exactly the way that you want them to be. It’s a lot of fun but it can certainly get a little expensive if you’re not watching how much you’re altering the bear from its original condition.
It’s a fun project. I remember receiving gifts when I was little + not being in “love” with them, so the idea that you can make the toy EXACTLY the way that you want to is uh-mazing, right?! It’s cute for stuffed animals, but not so much for people + I think that we’ve forgotten that…
Build-A-Boo
For years, I toyed with the idea of making a “list.” You know the list. It’s the one that outlines exactly what you want in a partner. If you meet someone + they don’t meet all of the criteria on said list, then you keep it pushing. One day, I took the plunge + I finally made the list…
When I decided to write down exactly what I wanted, it was a pretty extensive list:
- He had to be a Christian. Bonus points if he attended my church!
- He had to be at least 6′ tall.
- He had to be dark-skinned.
- He had to be bald.
- He had to wear glasses.
- He had to be really smart, both academically + socially.
- He had to be funny + share my sarcastic sense of humor.
- He had to be financially secure.
- He had to have his own home + car.
- He couldn’t have any children. No more than one, if any.
- He had to have a desire to travel.
- He had to be older than me.
- etc., etc…
I put my list away + waited. In the mean time, I lived my life. But the funny thing was that I completely forgot about this oh so important list! About 2 years into dating my husband, I came across that list again. I couldn’t do anything but laugh at the fact that God had brought a man into my life who met almost all of my criteria. I was astonished + humbled because I knew that I had everything that I needed from a partner in him.
But the {Almost}
One thing I learned in the dating process was that the things I wanted weren’t necessarily what God needed for me to have in order to live in my purpose through marriage. There is a huge difference between a want +a need. A want is something demanded, desired, or required. A need is a necessity arising from the circumstances of a situation.
I’d made a clear list of demands of what I desired in a husband, completely disregarding Phil 4:19 in my quest for a partner.
“And my God shall supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus…” {ASV} God knew what I needed + luckily for me, He had it under control.
My husband didn’t meet all of the qualities that I wanted. If that was where I stopped in my willingness to open my heart to him + to what God had planned for me, I would have missed out on an immense blessing. I tell him often that I can’t imagine my life without him. My hubby is my best friend + I wouldn’t want to live this life or my purpose without him by my side.
Let God Build-Your-Boo
The world is quick to tell us what we should want in a partner. We are usually on high alert with what the world will throw onto our path in other areas of our life, but forget to be on guard here. Yes, we can go to our girls for advice. Yes, we can heed the cautionary tales of our boys. But in the end, you have to have a relationship grounded in Christ to be able to hear the truth that He has for you!
There are certainly qualities that you need in a partner, but make sure that you’ve identified which things are what you want versus what you actually need. If you’re already married, are you {still} looking for qualities in your spouse that you want or that which you need? Knowing what you will or will not compromise on is a good way to figure that out!
Still not sure? Well, step inside my relationship for a moment:
- I want my husband to remember to put the toilet seat down, but I need him to be willing to take care of me when I’m sick.
- He wants me to keep all of my crafting stuff in my office, but he needs me to be a faithful companion.
- I want my husband to arrange things in a certain way, but I need him to keep lines of communication open.
- He wants me to cook more, but he needs to know that I’ll always do my best to be his help-meet.
When you’re seeking a partner, be open to what God has for you in them. Pay attention to what they show you…the good + the bad. Get to know them. Know what it really means to be equally yoked in a marriage. Seek God in this area of your life so that you can hear His voice when He tells you to stay or leave.
If you’re already married, keep seeking Him so that you may better understand what God needs for you to have in your marriage. Be humble in your own role in your marriage + practice a little more understanding + a lot more grace. Sometimes you overlook the fact that you have what you need because you’re really focused on getting what you want.
Do you know what you want? Are you getting what you need? What are the best qualities in your partner which surprised even you? Tell me in the comments below!
 
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