The most important role of a spouse, particularly a wife, is to help her husband. I looked up the definition of “helper” and it is defined as “a person or thing that helps of gives assistance, support, etc.” Even as the Church is looked upon as the Bride of Christ, her job is to help her Husband in spreading the message + cause of the Kingdom. In whatever capacity, in marriage, spouses will have to help each other out.
The second definition of a “helper” is an extra locomotive attached to a train at the front, middle, or rear, especially to provide extra power for climbing a steep grade.
First of all, I didn’t know that was an actual thing…
Secondly, that sounds like marriage to me!
Help as the Head Locomotive
The husband is the head of the household {1 Cor 11:3} + that is well established in Scripture. But what happens when the wife has to take the lead? At one point in our marriage, my husband was out of work for almost a year. We discussed, agreed + prayed about him coming out of the workplace. It was my responsibility to work + provide for our household. But in being the sole bread-winner, our ordained roles never changed. He was never made to feel like less of a man because I was bringing in our main income. I was still in spiritual submission to him as my husband {Eph 5:22-24.} During this time in our marriage, my role as helper locomotive was to lead from the front, to help us get up the steep incline of maintaining financial stability in our home.
Help as the Middle Locomotive
The husband has to leave his family + cleave to his wife {Matt 19:5.} The wife is created specifically as a companion to her husband {Gen 2:18.} Being honest, wifely submission comes fairly easily for me. I was used to making decisions for myself for 33 years but I don’t particularly care for making decisions. My poor husband has finally given in + just accepts the fact that deciding on dinner will either be a random choice or no real choice at all. It’s a long list of “no I don’t want that” until something sounds appealing.
That’s a lighthearted example, but the point is, one spouse should never be a hindrance to the other. We are meant to grow + go through our lives in harmony. That’s not saying that there won’t be conflict but we have to forgive + move forward as resolutely as possible. Communication is most vital in this helper locomotive’s position because she has to make sure that she isn’t leaving her spouse behind + still work in tandem to ensure that they are moving forward together. Pushing or pulling too fast will cause the train to be thrown off track.
Help as the Rear Locomotive
My husband left his job because of ethical issues occurring in his workplace. We knew that it was time for him to leave + we prepared for his exit. We didn’t expect that he would become discouraged + depressed; he was unable to find work again as quickly as he thought he would. Most women are instinctual nurturers + he needed that part of myself more than ever before. Before I was married, I’d read He-Motions by TD Jakes. At first glance, it’s not a book for women, but my eyes were opened to so many things about my husband + the struggles of men in general. I can truly say that I looked at him through more compassionate eyes + it improved the dynamics of our relationship.
Dependability is a characteristic that sets women apart. When a man knows he can authentically count you, it gives him strength + courage in himself. Once you marry, being dependable is a quality that your husband will still continue to count on. Leading a household can be a daunting task, but it’s made much more difficult when he is underestimated. During his times of feeling defeated, it was my job as the rear locomotive to push him forward into his purpose. As the rear locomotive, this car has to be strong enough to support the rest of the train, to hold its ground + keep the train in a forward trajectory. It’s the toughest position.
Help Him as a Proverbs 31 Wife
Remember when I said that becoming this woman was not an unattainable status? She was pretty bad-ass but she was simply being a help-meet. Her husband was able to depend upon her + he had full confidence in her {Prov 31:11} that she could take care of the household. She respected her husband + was respected in her city. She filled in where he was short + met him in the middle on all things, working in harmony for the prosperity of her family. Because she was in submission to God first, everything else fell into place.
Where can you help your partner? Which locomotive can you be to push your train forward into the promises of God?
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