Make Me A Wife: Understanding A Woman’s Role in Marriage

A question that comes up often in the quest for wife-hood is this: What does it mean to be a wife? I’ve been doing it for 5 years so far, and if I’m honest, the response to that question is an ever-evolving one.

I’m on a quest to be a Proverbs 31 wife + she is not as unattainable as people would make her out to be; she is you, as it works for your family. There are many qualities which this Biblical woman possesses, but I just want to talk about a few more pertinent ones… If you are a wife, or aspire to be one, there are some things you should know about who you need to become in order to do this thing the way that God would really have you to.

Wife-y Duties

• A wife is a help-meet. In all things, a wife has the awesome responsibility to be her husband’s partner. I sometimes sit my husband down + ask him to do an “evaluation” on my wife-ing abilities. He laughs + tells me that I’m doing a great job as his wife. I know that the biggest role I have is to be his helpmeet, so I want to make sure that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing + am living up to the expectations he has for me in the success of our relationship + family.
• A wife is a financier. She has the responsibility to contribute to the financial success of the household. Remember, what works for your family is what’s best for your family. My husband asked me to manage our finances. I suck at math so, more often than not, we ended up in the red. My fiduciary response was to give the accounts back to him. Now that I’m working from home + making less money, my contribution to the financial health of our household is that I don’t buy everything I see online or on sale. Contributing to the finances of the household may or may not involve earning a second income, but you still have a role + responsibility.
• A wife is a servant. Yep, that word. We are all called to be servants to the Kingdom {Prov 16:9}. One of the hardest things for women to do is be subservient. I married at 33, so it was a transition to have someone else take the lead on making important decisions which affected me. Servanthood is not about being a doormat, but rather involves putting others first {Phil 2:35.} Specifically, in marriage, it means submitting to your husband + supporting him in the responsibility of leading your household. This is a lot harder to do when he hasn’t submitted himself to God in leading your family, but it is still the role that you sign{ed} up for.
• A wife is just that…unconditionally. What is all boils down to is this: if I am in the role of “wife,” it is a God-ordained position + responsibility. Being a wife means that you respect your husband + you submit to his authority.  If you feel like a man has to be worthy of your honor, work that out before he pops the question. Accepting his hand in marriage is a covenant promise that you’re going to accept + respect him for who he is. It’s a lot harder to do when he is not being the man he is supposed to be, but if he was that way before you married, he is certainly not going to be in a hurry to change that behavior after you put a ring on it. You can’t marry + then put conditions on how or when you love him as his wife.

Making of A Wife

Fulfilling this role is not about sexual prowess, manipulation, ultimatums or settling. It’s about coming to terms with who you are in Christ + who He would have you to be in this world. AND THEN, making the right choice about to whom you’d like to pledge your new creation. Preparing for this role means getting your mind right. {He has to do the same thing in preparing for his role as a husband, but that’s a different post for a different day…} You have to work on becoming a person worth marrying while waiting for your person worth marrying.

There were a lot of characteristics that I looked for in a husband: a Christian man who attended church faithfully, who was funny + caring, was a good provider, tall, dark + handsome, etc. But what I learned over the years in my quest for a spouse was that for all of the things that I expected in a partner, I had to be willing to be and/or give comparable characteristics in return. I had to be equally yoke-able.

Being a wife is so much more than wearing a wedding ring, having a big ceremony or changing your last name. It’s half of the ministry of marriage + you have to give 100% of your efforts to make it work. In the coming posts, we’ll explore how I went from being a {broken} woman to being a bride to becoming a wife.