Living together is very much still a hot topic, especially here in the South, where we’re still hanging on to the last button on the Bible belt. It’s communally known as “shacking up” and everyone knows what it means. You’re “living in sin” because you’re living with your boyfriend, girlfriend, finance(e) and you’re committing a sin against God, not upholding your responsibilities as a Christian and defiling your body before God.
Let me make a quick confession: My husband and I lived together before we were married.
It was a really trying time.
I do not regret doing it…I am actually glad that we did it. It opened our eyes to a lot of things about each other and helped us to really test our compatibility in a pressure cooker. But I wouldn’t recommend it to others.
Here’s the truth about premarital cohabitation. Living together isn’t a sin, but shacking up is. The difference (and the sin) is often found when you close your doors. Shacking up is defined + described as:
- casually moving in with someone you regularly hit the sheets with
- Couples who live together (often while having sex) and are not married
- Regularly hitting the sheets with someone you are not dating
- living in sin
- to live together as spouses without being legally married
- to have illicit sexual relations
So why is everyone so up in arms about unmarried people living together?
The issue is not living together, but the sin of fornication. Fornication has always been rampant and it was just easier for our parents and grandparents to fuss at us about putting ourselves in situations that were presumed to increase the chances of hooking up versus actually dealing with the real issue. And contrary to some beliefs, a shared house is not the only place were couples can get hot and steamy, so fussing about living together is only the beginning of the conversation.
The Bible doesn’t actually say anything about living together before marriage but it speaks consistently about purity and keeping your body as a Holy temple. When the Scriptures don’t speak about one thing explicitly, we are to use the commands and guidance left for us to deduce the appropriate response. How does this apply to shacking up or moving in together before the wedding?
- “Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body.” {1 Cor 6:18} The devil is on the prowl. He’s out to get people on his team and he’s aggressively pursuing those who are already #TeamJesus. Think about this: when you are baptized, you receive an indwelling measure of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit and sin cannot exist in the same place. Your body is the temple where the Holy Spirit resides. When you open yourself to sin {opening your legs, spewing sin through your words, letting sinful thoughts into your ears and mind} the Holy Spirit is like nah, I can’t be here right now… and *throws deuces* You open yourself to sin and the punishment of sin to enter in because you have no spiritual protection left. You have to guard your heart {Proverbs 4:23} and your mind {1 Peter 1:13; Rom 12:2} and your eyes {Psalm 101:3} so if living with your intended before bands are in place breaks down your guards, then rethink that.
- “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.” {1 Peter 4:12} This Scripture is talking about suffering for being a Christian, but as it applies to this situation, here is a common sense interpretation: You jumped into the pot, so don’t be surprised that the water is hot! Can you resist his beard? Can you resist her curves? If the answer is anything other than a resounding YES! then maybe you shouldn’t move in before you’re married. It’s very easy to say that you can resist the temptation but actions speak much louder than words. To thine own self be true…you know what your temptations and weaknesses are. Don’t put yourself into a situation and then be caught off guard by all of the decisions you have to make in the interest of your salvation. You can’t be mad at anyone but yourself when the water bill goes up because someone is running a cold shower every other hour…
- “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,…” {1 Cor 6:19} How much do you really love your S.O.? When we were premaritally co-habitating, it was hard to resist sexual temptation. Have you seen the beard on that man?? But I had to do it. I had to consider how much I loved him. Like, love loved him. I knew that I loved him enough to not condemn his soul. All I could think about was the “what-ifs?” What if we gave in and he died in his sleep? What if we hooked up and I died in a car accident the next day? My friends laughed at my obsession with death, but I had to be spiritually realistic about it. No man knows the time or the hour and we didn’t want to take away our salvation or put ourselves in a place where we didn’t have the chance to repent. If he was going down, it wasn’t going to be because of me! Remember Eph 5:5
- No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. {1 Cor 10:13} What is the floor plan of your dwelling? Is it a loft-style apartment that calls for you to be in close contact every moment? Do you have separate rooms on opposite sides of the house? How many pillows do you own? When we lived together pre-marriage, there were times that he did sleep in the bed with me, but we didn’t cuddle. We didn’t even hold hands. I often slept directly on the mattress because I needed a little extra barrier that night. I mean, look at that beard…!
Living together is not the sin. But the temptation of fornication is not restricted to your living arrangements. We survived our ordeal of living together with our salvation…and a little bit of our sanity…intact. I don’t know if we would make the same decision if we went back in time, but we know in the midst of it all, we always make sure that we know what’s most important in our relationship…our responsibility to and relationship with Christ.
If you’re still wrestling with the idea of whether or not premarital sex is something in which you should engage, check out this book from Rob Kowalski called Why Waiting Works {aff. link} to get a deeper understanding of why it’s worth it to wait before you have sex before marriage.
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Katherine is the author of Wounds to Wisdom, The Marriage Advocate, and is the voice behind Yoked, an online ministry dedicated to helping women prepare themselves to be a wife. Married to her best friend, she is living out her purpose by encouraging others to enter into covenant marriages with their eyes wide open.
My husband and I stayed together while we were planning our wedding, but she slept in separate rooms. Did we get tempted? Yes all the time. Did we fail? Yes quite a few times. But I believe if your living together with no intentions on getting married then yes you shouldn’t be shacking up. If your planning your wedding it is a good idea to see the other person’s habits before hand. I have no regrets. I got to see my husband habits and deal with them before we said I do.
Absolutely! I think it’s a good idea to live together before marriage for that reason, but on the contrary, I wouldn’t recommend it to just anyone. Not everyone is strong enough to handle that situation and those temptations. As Christians, we are not to put ourselves in situations where we would be tempted, but sometimes we do what we wanna do and then wonder why stuff happens…lol
Hello maam,
I have something to ask for help related to this topic and would like to to connect with you through email or fb messenger. Hope to know how I could reach you. Thank you.
Hi! I sent you an email. Thank you for contacting me and I look forward to speaking with you 🙂
With living together…..if you have to live together before marriage and it’s because one is in between jobs, least is up on their apartment, getting married in a few weeks and or months is not sufficient enough to live together…..guess that’s why the church “Us” is catching a bad wrap….we’re doing resoundingly everything the world is, but we can sprinkle it with grace…..living together to get to learn and know of each other against biblical principle….Remember, “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? If you cannot afford to live on your own, stay at home until you can afford it and lets not bring anymore indictments against the body of Christ…Shalom
Some people can’t live together because of the temptation of sin. Some people don’t live together because of the appearance of sin. People of the opposite sex live together for a myriad of reasons. Living with someone of the same sex is no longer an safeguard against premarital sex. I agree that we should not get caught up in looking like the world. It’s important that we are concerned with actual behaviors more than we are with appearances. People will make decisions that don’t look like what others expect. We’re not going to be judged on what we look like on the outside, but what our hearts and intentions are. I don’t condone living together, although this was my story. It’s important that people in a relationship are more focused on honoring God by not engaging in premarital sex, rather than where they lay their heads at night.
Hello thanks for your vlog i am planning to get engaged to my gf a month after we move in. Abstaining from sex for almost a year now. Stepmom is making me feel convicted, but personally i feel good about my decision and i do not feel like we will be living in sin as we have been able to abstain this long so far. I enjoyed your vlog, but if u have any thoughts please comment!
If you’re feeling convicted and think that you may not be able to continue to abstain, listen to that voice. That’s the Holy Spirit. The temptation that we experienced when we lived together before marriage was real. It was incredibly hard to resist because we were so easily accessible to each other. The thing that kept us strong was loving each other enough to put eternal salvation over satisfaction. If we’d had premarital sex and something happened to him, I wouldn’t want to be responsible for the condemnation of his soul…and vice versa. If you feel like you can’t resist, especially after your engagement, consider living apart. Too often people think that engagement is pretty much married, but it’s not. An engagement isn’t a covenant. I wish you the best on your engagement and pray that you both can continue to abstain <3
I would really like to get in touch with u about a similar issue how can I get in contact with u
Hi Monica! You may email me at beingyoked@gmail.com. I look forward to speaking with you 🙂
I’m not sure I agree with ‘testing the water’ / living together to know a person a certain way before getting married. It’s not like a car that you test drive and give back if you don’t like it. Hopefully the decision to marry the person is not based on their personal home habits.
I think it panders to what ‘we’ want rather than what God wants.
God asks us to *flee* from sexual immorality, not to get as close as possible without getting burnt.
Purity is a position of your heart. It sounds like the typical question of ‘how far is too far’ – how about flipping that to how pure can we walk / how best can we honor God in our relationships. I don’t think God is more honored in living together before marriage., than in waiting until marriage.
I don’t actually recommend that people live together before marriage. This is the story about a decision I made in my own life. I agree with purity and the stance that we should flee from sexual immorality. That’s actually the intention of the article. Society seems to be very focused on semantics and appearances, not what is at the heart of the issue. My story is that people who knew my living situation were very concerned with where he and I slept at night but gave no encouragement in maintaining our sexual purity because they felt that if we didn’t spend the night with each other, we wouldn’t be able to have sex with each other. The focus is that living arrangements are not the actual sin, but the condition of the heart and not engaging in premarital sex should be the concern of unmarried individuals. Publishing this post has been a great opportunity to share that message because, behind the scenes, I have been able to discourage more people from living together before marriage. Thank you for your comment!
This is extremely unwise council. You sited 1 Corinthians 6, but then disregard that fleeing is an action one must take. You communicated how serious sexual sin is and yet you stayed living under the same roof even though eternity was at stake! You kept making jokes about his beard as if there is temptation there. You did not “have to resist” that temptation you could have easily avoided by not being there. It is unbelievable that you would consider sleeping in the same bed together before marriage. You speak of “knowing thy self”, but do you not know that the heart is deceitful above all else (Jeremiah 17:9)? Do you truly expect to know yourself so well that you can spot even the unintentional sins? There was actually a sacrifice to those in the old testament.
I agree with Damon Thompson above. I do realize that one must make a decision when dealing with questions that are not clearly answered in scripture, but please do not forget historical context. Your actions would have left you rejected, whether or not you actually did anything. Do you say there is no sin in you? If so you are deceived and the truth is not in you (1 John 1:8). We are not to be conformed to the image of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that by testing we are to discern what is the will of God, what is good, and acceptable, and perfect (Romans 12:1-2).
You were not married and had no right to hold fast to one another in that way. Why not simply live in other places? You mentioned that temptation can come whether or not you live together, are the same sex, etc. If this is true than you take safe guards against all such situations. I please with anyone else who is reading this to please consider another path. You may even ruin a future relationship simply based on the appearance of immorality. Also, the bible does not speak specifically to many things that we should not do none the less. Look to whether or not that was an acceptable practice among Jews or Christians during and shortly after the time of Jesus. Looking at all of the letters to the churches I believe we can conclude that this is unwise at best and rebellion at worst.
I don’t actually recommend that people live together before marriage. Publishing this post has been a great opportunity to share that message because, behind the scenes, I have been able to discourage more people from living together before marriage. I made a decision that I wouldn’t have made twice because of the temptation that existed. We were able to abstain because we loved each other enough to not risk each other’s salvation for sexual gratification. Not everyone is able to do that. The actual intention of the article is to share that living arrangements are not the actual sin, but that the condition of the heart and not engaging in premarital sex should be the concern of unmarried individuals. Society seems to be very focused on semantics and appearances, not what is at the heart of the issue. My story is that people who knew my living situation were very concerned with where he and I slept at night but gave no encouragement in maintaining our sexual purity because they felt that if we didn’t spend the night with each other, we wouldn’t be able to have sex with each other.
I considered not giving so many details of my situation but that would not be my truth. I wrote this with full transparency. I’ve never been a person who is afraid to share my sins, faults, and failures if they can help someone avoid the same pitfalls. There are a myriad of reasons why couples end up living together. This message is for those who are in that situation and struggling with this particular temptation. Those who contacted me privately and asked how to handle similar situations have been given the guidance that they should avoid living together if they can possibly help it. Thank you for your comment!
This post from June 21st made me so angry. It is not your job to condemn or judge any person based on their actions, but instead show love and grace to those who could be on a path to destruction. That being said, if you’ll read the article she wrote, it is clear that both of their intentions were in the pursuit of living a life worthy of Christ- who died on the cross for our past, present, and future sins. He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and lead us not into temptation.
She was so open about her relationship with her husband and with Christ. I imagine that as they were living together before they got married, there was a lot of soul searching and praying and clinging to the Lord. Although living together places you in a situation that Satan can influence, so does living in this world at all.
Please understand that although living together before marriage might be a temptation barrier, it is not impossible for with God anything is possible.
It is a matter of morality. The question is not “should we or should we not” but rather “Do I love God enough? Can I choose God over my sin?”and THAT is what will lead you into salvation.
Thank you so much for your reply and support. It was incredibly hard for us to live righteously in our situation but our love for Christ and that love for each other is what ultimately kept us from falling. I don’t live my life pretending that I’m perfect or that I’ve done everything right the first time. Anyone who says that they’ve never stumbled is lying to themselves and creating a larger stumbling block to those who do struggle and are looking for the same grace that has been extended to others. You’re right…this article is about learning to choose God over sin, no matter the situation or location ❤️
I loved this post! It was truly relatable and insightful. As with many modern issue not adressed in the Bible, we must seek God and follow our convictions. To those who comment how this is living in sin just because we are so close to temptation: you must live in a bubble. There is temptation all around us in everydayife, and its up to us as Christians to gold on to our faith and live our lives pleasing to God. Our phonea, TVs, computers, radios, books, movies all tempt us to sin and we have that around us everywhere we go. To marry someone just because you can’t control yourself isnt righteous. Living together or not before marriage still requires a commitment to remain pure. GOD BLESS YOU Katherine.
I whole heartedly agree! Being able to show restraint regardless of living arrangements go a long way in helping to maintain the sanctity of covenant relationships in the long run. Thank you so much for that, Lisa <3
God made us to be attracted to each other, so yea, it would be so hard, no matter how strong you are, to live with the one you’re gonna marry and not have sex. Why would you risk it? Plus, we are to set an example to the world around us, they see Christians, unmarried living together, they won’t believe that nothing is going on behind those doors before the wedding. That would ruin the witness you have. I’ll probably get roasted for these comments, but just think about it. You want to be seen as different. Set apart. My mom and stepdad lived together for 3 months before they got married, mom and I slept in my room, pop in the big bedroom. No sex going on. I asked mom when I got older why they did it and she said she needed to get out of the apartment bills. I asked her if she’d thought about what it looked like to the outside world. She’s a strong Christian woman and thought it would be fine, but didn’t think about how it would affect how others saw her walk with the Lord. We are to be set apart. Different. Sure, with some things it shouldn’t matter what others think, but when the lost see us, they need to see Christ in us, in as much as we can show them. We aren’t perfect, my decisions are far from it. We just have to be aware of how our decisions will reflect how Christ shows through us.
Jo, you may be surprised to hear this but…I agree 🙂 I’m not advocating that people live together before marriage. This is my story. My husband and I lived together for a short time before marriage. We didn’t have sex. BUT we were aware of what it would look like to other people if they knew we lived together, so it wasn’t something that we broadcasted. The few people who knew helped to keep us accountable. The point of this post is that no matter what it looks like to the rest of the world, your responsibility to Christ is to keep yourself sexually pure. People don’t have to live together to have premarital sex. The point of the matter is that your living arrangements are not the sin, but your actions behind closed doors are what you have to answer for. Thank you for your comment!
Hello Beloved!
I would so love to discuss a personal situation with you regarding this message – it is a story with so many twists and turns drawn by God’s loving hand, and now a new opportunity to begin again. I have questions and would love some support and a second opinion. Could I contact you? Thank you! <3
Hi Brookelynn! Absolutely contact me! I may be reached at beingyoked@gmail.com.
Thank you for writing this article! I appreciate your perspective on living together before marriage. I have done a lot of research on this particular matter and most of what I have read has been opposed to it, and condemning toward it.
My boyfriend and I do live together, we have felt great guilt about our sexual immoral actions and are trying our best to resist the temptation we have placed in front of us by living together. We plan to get married; we hope to soon of we grow more financially stable and able to.
For now we are reaching out to God to have His way in us; in order to lay the foundation of our marriage upon Him, we must listen to Him and obey his commands.
Thank you for the encouragement that it IS POSSIBLE with God to wait and it is worth it.
You’re so welcome! I’ll keep you in my prayers that you continue to be strong and lean upon God to make wiser decisions. Your salvation will always be the most precious thing and it’s worth the fight. That kind of love for each other is absolutely worth the wait and should fuel the decision to abstain before marriage.
Hi Katherine,
I hope you can help. I like this article you wrote, but still disagree. For many years now, I have argued that living together is not a sin. I completely agree that fornication, adultery, and sexual immorality as a whole is in fact sinning though. I think the confusion has come from the fact that “The Wedding Ceremony” and “Marriage” was blended together and mandated by the Roman Catholic church for practical reasons a long time. No where in the bible though, is it implied that a marriage is not a marriage without having a wedding. Or does it? So far, no one has been able to prove this to me, which God knows I pray someone would. Of course there are plenty of examples of weddings happening throughout the bible, but absolutely no statements or commandment stating the rule or law of it. The only statement that I see as a guideline or rule, is in Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
I remember my cousin getting married but living at his dad’s place with his new wife and telling me that I was a sinner for living together with whom I considered my wife. My reply to him was, “read Genesis 2:24 and tell me who the sinner is”.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe that a wedding is a very nice tradition, especially now that it is more about the romanticism of it rather that only for practicality of it like it was thought of in ancient times. Nonetheless, that is all it is, a tradition.
I know couples that have been living together for more than 20 years, have children, grand children, and have never cheated on each other. Are they sinners? or are they a married couple? Will God condemn them, even though they lived holy as one and praise him together, and even taught their descendants to love God and accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I really don’t believe so. But I could be wrong! Your input and response would greatly be appreciated.
Hi Arod,
I had to do a bit of research and contemplation before I was able to reply. So, dealing with the aspect of weddings, there are examples of Jesus attending a wedding (John 2) and there are numerous references to women being given to men in marriage. What I think you’re questioning has to do with something that is contextually implied in Scripture. Marriage in Scripture was mostly about property rights, so it was required to be legally married. Even in Biblical times, living with a person of the opposite sex was not allowed because there was no legal marriage; the situation brought shame upon a woman’s family and negated her bride-price.
The Scriptures also deal directly with circumstances of divorce…which are not applicable or relevant to anyone who is not married. Luke 16:18 is a Scripture that discusses adultery through/after divorce. Those conditions are not applicable to one who is unmarried BUT fornication is still a condition applicable toward sex outside of marriage. Hebrews 13:4, 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, and 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 speak to the sin of sex before marriage.
As all of this relates to modern day Christianity, women in Eastern Christianity are no longer “paid for” as it was done in Biblical times. But for all of our laws, which Romans 13:1-2 addresses, we are granted certain rights through marriage. Some laws have been amended to allow rights in Common Law marriage but it is not Biblical/Scriptural marriage. A common law marriage is something that people who have lived together for a long time consider themselves to be married, but it is not a covenant marriage before God. Couples who are in common law marriages are not in a marriage recognized as a covenant marriage before God. People have the right to live the way that they want to but you make a choice. Being a Christian requires us to follow the laws that God has provided for us.
To answer your question directly: if they are practicing Christians and are living together, unmarried, then they are living in sin. If they are not Christians, then all of the laws that God has outlined is not applicable to them. God will hold them accountable for those decisions in His judgement. Marriage is not about romanticism, regardless of how much we want to make it about romance. Marriage is a servant ministry that is the earthly representation of God’s relationship with us and all that it involves.
Hope that helps!
I just came across this article and find it very interesting! I have a similar situation that I’d like to discuss in private. Could I contact you somehow?
Hi Rochelle!
Yes, you may email me at beingyoked@gmail.com.
I loved this! I moved in with my boyfriend almost a year ago and while we have continued to abstain sexually, I still feel deep convictions with it. There is always the debate over if the real issue with cohabiting is whether or not you are able to resist the temptation of sex, and my boyfriend and I are actually on opposite sides of it. I feel as though we’ve dealt with things emotionally that should be sacred to marriage. It’s an ongoing struggle for me! I appreciate you being so candid in your story, and I can say I completely agree with you. Did I live with my S.O. before we were married? Yes. Are we both relentlessly pursuing the Lord while abstaining from sex? Yes. And while I don’t live in regret, would I recommend cohabitation to my other Christian friends? Definitely not. Thanks again for sharing, I hope those that look upon us in judgement will realize that we are all individuals pursuing God, each with a different journey to salvation. Jesus calls us to love and lift each other up as brothers ans sisters of Christ!
Thank you so much for your comment Lauren! I know that a lot of people don’t necessarily agree with what I have to say on the issue, but for me it’s more about grace and repentance. I know a lot of us Christians find ourselves in situations that we never expected. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone for a myriad of reasons, but for those of us who are there, I want to help others through it with their salvation intact if I can ❤️
I don’t see the problem with although I wouldn’t recommend living together is for everyone God searches the heart the sin is the act of fornication not living together fornication can happen anywhere if a one really plans the act it’s about GRACE & God knows the heart we have to learn self control the bible says abstain from sexual impurity & that’s in any situation we face
Agreed!
I know I’m a little late to the game since this is almost a year old. But I was reading around because of the situation I’m currently in and how confused I feel. My boyfriend and I have been together, on and off, for about a year now. We dated for a bit in the spring, broke up for most of the summer, started dating again in the fall (but weren’t officially in a relationship) and finally got fully together in December. We were “staying” together through a lot of that time, not even for a sexual relationship, but because we loved each other and the company of each other. In late December I found out that I’m pregnant. I was scared at first, but both of us are excited. I come from a family of very strict Catholics and telling them about my pregnancy was incredibly difficult. They do not approve of the fact that we are living together, and think that we should live separately until married (we want to get married, but I want to get married in the Catholic Church and he has to complete his annulment process before that can happen). When I talk about the possibility of not living with him they are completely supportive and promise to be there for me in every way and have my back completely. Even if I continue to live with him, they aren’t going to cut me off or anything, but they will be extremely upset and disappointed. My boyfriend wants us to continue to live together so that we can be a family and he can be near me and the baby during the pregnancy and be there for us. He thinks that if I move out I will be breaking apart our family and destroying our relationship. I am torn. I want to live with him because I love having him there, and it is a relationship where we are looking towards marriage, but I was raised by my parents and I understand where they are coming from and I don’t want to disappoint them, but I’m also an adult and I can’t do something just because they want me to. I’m very lost right now. But thank you for your article.
Thank you so much for your response Joan. I will respond to you privately via email to discuss this a little more. Talk to you soon!
Fornication. You explained it superbly. I’ve been married 30 years. Six years ago my spouse became unable to have sex with me. Temptation is hard not to give into, especially when you know the other person. The other person is my sons biological father. We live in the same city. His wife presently has Alzheimer disease. We are friends. I guess I feel like approaching him because he’s familiar and we have history. I’ve been praying for strength. But I do miss that part of my marriage. My husband doesn’t seem to care whether my physical needs are met or not. How do I handle this?
Angel, thank you so much for your openness and honesty. The main thing to focus on here is that after you are married, sexually engaging with another person is not merely fornication but it is adultery. In the eyes of God, you would be breaking the covenant with your husband and causing another man to break his covenant with his wife. Head over to this article to read a little more: https://beingyoked.com/israel-houghton-wrong/.
Scripturally, please read and meditate on Exodus 20:14; Matt 5:32; Mark 10:11-12; Romans 7:2-3; Hebrews 13:4; and 1 Corinthians 6:18.
As far as your marriage is concerned, what is it that prevents your husband from being able to have intercourse? Is it a mental or physical thing? Have you spoken with any therapist, including a sex therapist? You may email me at beingyoked@gmail.com to answer these questions and continue the conversation.
The big picture issue is that this is your trial. Intimacy within a marriage is about more than sex. There will come a time in all of our lives when either we or our spouse are unable to engage in sexual intercourse for a myriad of reasons but the answer should be adjustment, not abandonment, from either party involved.
I hope that this helps.
Hello,
Hope you are well. A question please. I live with my partner, we are not married. For unmarried couple living together, can they receive the baptism in the Holy Spirit or not?
If no, what must we do. Also I am a smoker, will that stop me from geeting baptise in the Holy Ghost or not.
Will I need deliverance.
Thank you sister and God bless you and your family.
Hi Emeline,
Thank you for your question. This is a multi-layered inquiry so I will try to keep the response succinct. Receiving the Holy Spirit is available for everyone who chooses to follow the commandments of God and be baptized in Him {Acts 2:38}. The issue that will arise is that salvation is heavily intertwined with repentance and following the laws of God. If you’re going to continue walking in sin, are you practicing true repentance? To repent means to turn from one direction and go in another.
The same concept can be applied to smoking. Our bodies are the earthly temples for the housing of our spirit and it’s our responsibility to take care of it the best that we can. You can get baptized but you will be limiting the amount of time that the temple is available to house the spirit. 1 Cor 6:19-20 says “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
I hope this helps as you start to seek God and honor the life that He would have for you to live…one that glorifies Him.
What a great article. Real honest talk from someone who’s been there and knows the risks. It was refreshing. Thank you!
Thank you!
We live in a day and time – grace – whereby the people of God have been exceedingly blessed. We have the spirit of Christ living within, and have the propensity to desire holiness, and to be (in) holiness on a level never before experienced in human history. We can espouse “the heart of flesh” TODAY – every time we enjoin desire with actions – and be utterly mesmerized by the beauty of holiness.
And holiness desires ALL that Yahweh has given, and shuns anything less. In marriage, He has gifted the Church with the living expression of Christ loving the Church; and the Church emerging with a splendor and glory envied by the world.
Co-habitation is allowing temptation to “move in”, and – in essence – says about holiness, “This treasure doesn’t really need to be sheltered and tucked into a warm and savored place. It can be left outside with elements on a seasonal basis, and taken inside when its no longer comfortable to endure (like having to go outside on a cold morning to start the car).
Is the Church to settle with pampered flesh, or with the gift Christ gave: “the glory that excelleth” (II Corinthians 3:8 -11)
Patrick, I like your analogy. The Church should not settle with pampered flesh, as you state, but to be aware of all of the times when our salvation is “left out in the elements.” While temptation can present in every area of our lives, we should be less worried on what we perceive as sin (ex. living together before marriage) but more concerned about the sin of premarital sex itself. When we can teach about why we should avoid temptation and not fall into sin, we can teach about the ways that we can avoid it. Yes, we lived together before marriage, but the lesson learned is that our salvation is more important that our sexual desires…no matter the (living) situation. That’s the lesson. Thank you for your comment!
I’m in this same predicament. I’m posting so others can see also.
My situation is eating me up. Yes, we’ve engaged in premarital sex, but no longer do. We sleep in seperate bedrooms and are not tempted whatsoever. Although, he claims to be Christian, I tried to look over a lot hopung he’d grow. I don’t see any progress and don’t believe I want to get married any longer because he’s not rooted in biblical principles and order. I’ve been married twice before, and divorced for multiple reasons, plus adultry. I don’t want to make that mistake again if someone is not submitted to God first, and understand what love really is. That leaves a gap to be conditional and go off feelings and thoughts!
We moved together because we planned on getting married. Now, it doesn’t look like we’ll get there…
I don’t consider consider us as a couple any longer, but he does. Even though we’ve said we weren’t.
Due to finances, I’m just now getting to where I will be able to save to get my own place. It’s going to take awhile…
My question is, although I’ve considered living together was a sin, I started breaking it down last night about the actual biblical sin of fornication…
I knew about the shunning away from the very appearance of evil scripture and searched scripture to read further down. Can you give your thoughts?
Thank you
1 Thessalonians 5:22-24 King James Version (KJV)
22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.
23 And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
24 Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.
I’m so sorry to hear about your situation but I appreciate your transparency. Despite all appearances of this post, I don’t recommend that anyone live together before marriage. We did it and survived, but it’s not a situation that I would recommend anyone put themselves in; it was the hardest thing that we’ve ever done. Your story is the perfect example of why I wrote this. I am proud of you that you’ve ceased to fornicate and God certainly wants the best that He has for you. Sometimes we find ourselves in living arrangements that disturb our spiritual peace and find it much harder to get out of it. When we are stuck because of finances or home imbalance, we often have to make the best of the situation. And correct, we should not give the appearance of evil. When we had to answer for our living arrangement, we were open and transparent with God, with ourselves, and with other people. As far as that scripture, I think that it is more encompassing and directly correlates with Ephesians 4:31, NIV that says “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” These things are directly antithetical to what God teaches us that love is in 1 Cor 13.
As far as your decision to no longer want marriage with this man, I fully believe that the Holy Spirit is speaking to you. He has revealed that this is a man who is not after God’s own heart and this is an unequal yoke (2 Cor 6:14). Going forward, keep focusing on you and your relationship with Christ. Stand firm (1 For 16:13) in your decision that you are going to keep God first in your life and that your salvation is the most important thing. I know from experience that if you falter in your resolve, it will reinforce to him that you don’t mean what you say and that you’re lukewarm (Rev 3:16).
If the Spirit moves in him and makes him look and act more like Christ, then I would certainly recommend premarital counseling, even though you’ve been married before. I’ll pray for guidance and endurance for you in this and feel free to email me if you have any other questions.