The Roar of a Brave Woman: Releasing the Fear of Not Being Good Enough

Surprisingly enough to our church teens, I wasn’t born an old, married woman. I actually had to live life and grow up, walking a path wrought with similar tests + trials that they have today. There were lots of mistakes and tears along the way, but I’ve survived. And although I was afraid of a lot of things, I had to stop operating in a spirit of fear. I had to be brave enough to become a better woman.

What kind of coward are you?

As I look back over my life, my answer is a single, painful one. I was the kind of coward who was afraid to be alone. To be forced to enjoy time by myself, with no one to validate my existence. To grow up and not have anyone to come home to. To not have anyone in my bed at night. To not have a man by my side. That was my fear.

I was the type of coward who didn’t feel like she was a good enough woman if she didn’t have a relationship. That she failed as a productive member of society if she didn’t marry by age 30 + was starting a family by 31. I was the type of coward who went through life with thin skin, wearing my emotions on my sleeve. Who didn’t feel like she was or would ever be good enough for anyone to love.

Yes, I existed in that space for about 3 decades.

What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done?

The question is often asked of individuals, “What is the bravest thing you’ve ever done?” I’ve never thought myself to be particularly brave {see section above} but I’ve always been a bit of a daredevil. I’ve been bungee jumping, scuba diving, tried exotic foods, traveled alone + frequently talk to strangers. The last brave thing that I did would probably be traveling to California {by myself} to stay with friends {whom I’d never met in real life} for a week, exploring the state completely on my own. But if not for something else that I’d done years before, I wouldn’t have been able to make that trip.

In admitting the bravest thing that I’ve ever done, I have to be honest and say that if I wasn’t literally forced into it, it would have never happened. I’ve spoken before about being in bad relationships and knowing that I couldn’t expect someone to make me happy. But the fear that I had wouldn’t release me. I felt that I had to put up with any + every thing because if I was faithful, he would put a ring on it + I wouldn’t have to be alone. {insert therapy here}

Astonishingly enough, it was the meeting of my husband which helped me to commit my biggest act of bravery. When I met him, I knew that I wasn’t good enough for him. Not that I’m not an amazing person *flips hair* but I got to know him + knew that he deserved someone amazing. Someone who could give him the very best of themselves. I knew I wasn’t that woman.

The bravest thing that I’ve ever done was finding the courage to heal myself. I was a broken woman, carrying around years of hurt, anger + self-deprecation. I identified that I needed to be a better woman. There was no guarantee when we met that we were going to be together but I recognized that my world deserved the best me that I could be.

What was brave about any of that? 

The Roar of a Brave Woman

Scripture tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7 {NLT}: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 

[tweetthis]If He has not given us a spirit of fear, then why are most of us afraid to be alone + unmarried?[/tweetthis]

People are quick to relate to + identify that as being brave in going out in the world, in starting a new business venture, in speaking up for a cause. If He has not given us a spirit of fear, then why are most of us afraid to be alone + unmarried? Why is it so hard for us to find solace in coming home to a quiet + empty apartment at the end of the day?

If you have a heart for marriage, I’m not {by any means} saying that there’s anything wrong with that. But why are you so desperate to be married? Can you be honest enough with yourself to answer that?

Are you still operating in fear of being alone?

If you’re looking to be married + can’t figure out why you’re still single, let me share a piece of literature with you. My single friends and I were reading + discussing this book together. It’s written for teenagers, but is invaluable to people of all ages who desire to be married + to become a better Christian. It talks about starting with self, to become the best “you” for your best “mate.” It helps to release the fears that hold people back when it comes to expectations of relationships. It helps you to be brave enough to look at yourself first + to heal. I’m 5 years into my marriage and I still read through the book, making notes to myself.

None of us is perfect. We have our flaws + our hurts. The loudest roar you could ever give is the one that says “I AM ENOUGH!” Finding the courage to heal yourself is probably the bravest thing you could ever do. After the years of abusive relationships, I know it was the bravest thing that I’ve ever done. Finding the strength to love myself enough to learn how to truly love myself. And because of that decision, I’m well on the path to being the best me I could offer my marriage + the world.

Whether you get married, or have a life of singleness, find a way to know that you are enough + are worthy of the best that life has to offer!

What’s the last brave thing that you did for yourself? How has it impacted your life? Let me know in the comments below!