Just How Virtuous Do You Have to be for Patience?

There is a wise, old saying that says “Patience is a virtue.” I’ve said it often, mostly in my pre-wife life, because it really sounds like the proper thing to say; it sounds so very inspiring. It’s not until you enter into a serious relationship with someone {or become a parent to a toddler or teenager} that you really start to figure what it means…

So, let’s start here.

I went straight to dictionary.com for this info, so you know it’s real:

{patience} the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like; an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay; to have patience with a slow learner; quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence

{virtue} moral excellence; goodness; righteousness; a good or admirable quality or property

So when you revisit our go-to mantra “Patience is a virtue” and define it boldly, you really say:

“The quality of bearing annoyance without complaint, loss of temper, irritation or the like, with an ability or willingness to suppress annoyance with a quiet, steady perseverance {and} even-tempered care; this is a good and admirable quality.”

Y’all…

Just let that sink in for a minute.

Do you have any idea how hard that is when you’re not a morning person and you don’t have to be up just yet and your significant other has turned on every light in the room + is running water in the shower and sink?

Maybe it’s just me.

Well..what about when you it hot and he likes it cold and you have to walk around the house with 3 layers of clothes on so that you don’t die, predicting that your tombstone to be inscribed “She wasn’t made for winter…” and the temperature outside is no longer the only thing that’s ice cold?

Yes, I admit that sometimes I put my feet on him when he’s in a deep sleep…on purpose *Kanye shrug*

What do you think our lives would be like if every time we did something that annoyed the other person that we went off like firecrackers on the 4th of July? We would be miserable. And I know that for everything that he does that gets under my skin, I present an opposite and equal level of annoyance. We were talking with our married couple wingmen the other day about how when you marry someone, you basically decide to accept their level of crazy…the things that are part of their character that drive you nuts…but you decide love them past it.

For me…he doesn’t like to clean. For him…I’m scatterbrained and indecisive.

But because we’ve learned how to exercise patience with one another…we’ve learned to bear each other’s quirks with the minimal amount of annoyance.

Ephesians 4:2 tells us to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” I love that scripture. I clean the house…when I can get to it. He has developed a system that encourages me to make a decision. He knows that I get overwhelmed with too many choices and he understands that. We bear each other’s annoyances because we love each other, in that agape sort of way where we put the needs of the other first.

Let me demystify this for you. I’ve seen lots of {women} who believe it’s too hard to be a Proverbs 31 woman aka the Virtuous Wife.

A virtue is a good and admirable quality.

It’s simply a way of shifting your reaction in your circumstances. Believe it or not, this particular virtue {patience} is easily attainable!

Ways to practice patience

Here are 4 ways to practice patience in your relationship + in everyday life:

Breathe through your nose.

This is something that I’m working on every day…not because I’m so impatient with my husband, but because outside things have been angering me lately. I discovered, that in order to breathe through your nose, your mouth has to be closed. The next time you want to go off on your partner, breathe. Count as slowly + as high as you need to, but breathe! Breathing techniques help to calm and destress and trust me…you’ll need this skill when you’re yoked + living with another person 24/7/365.

Learn how to pick your battles.

I have a friend who stays angry at her husband because he won’t do things that she believes are important tasks. It doesn’t bother him, so he’s not going to make these things a priority (think making the bed.) There will be legitimate things to be angry about in your marriage, but not everything has to be a fight. I tell her often that if it’s that’s big a deal to you, just take care of it. Proverbs 21:9 says “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.” Just the image of a man hiding in the corner of his rooftop from his nagging wife makes me giggle. But to see that in real life is tragic. You don’t want your partner hiding in a local bar on his way home from work every day…

Find a compromise. 

My indecisiveness drives my husband insane. My scatterbrained tendencies sometime make it difficult for him to follow me in a conversation. He can’t stand that I get in bed and spend 2 hours fighting sleep. But he understands that I work + process things differently from him. He knows me well enough to know my tendencies and can “cut me off at the pass,” especially when he’s hungry and I’m stuck trying to figure out what I have a taste for at the moment. He’s learned to sleep with the TV on, as long as I keep my movement and noise to a minimum. We compromise and keep the peace in our home.

Walk a little way in their shoes.

I will always remember being told that “when you point a finger at someone, there are 4 fingers pointing back at you.” Luke 6:38 says that we should “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.” (NASV) Maybe you know it as the Golden Rule? Before you get impatient with your partner, think about how you would want them to treat you, if the roles were reversed. Golden Rule or karma, you get what you give. Try practicing patience {grace + forgiveness} in your relationship and see if it’s reciprocated.

What are some other areas where you can practice patience in your relationship? Tell me in the comments below!

 

 

plan it

 

 

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