If you are planning for your marriage or are married + said the traditional vows, you may recall that there’s that one line in there that says you vow to be there “in sickness + in health, until death do you part.” I never thought much about the fact that this particular stipulation was right before the part that says I’ll be here until you die. But considering what my body has been putting me through over the last 5 years, especially the last 2 weeks, I’ve felt like I was certainly about to die at times.
Sickness comes in many forms + it’s usually in times of illness when people realize that women are the stronger species. I still tease my husband about the time when he got really sick and asked me to bring him some crackers. Without missing a beat, or taking his arms from under the covers, he asked me to put the cracker in his mouth to feed him…
I Brought My Sickness Into Our Marriage
We were married in November of 2011. In January of 2012, I had my first asthma attack. I didn’t know what was happening, only that I couldn’t stop coughing. I coughed so much that my entire body ached. After coughing for 6 days, I started vomiting, so we decided that it was time for me to visit my friendly neighborhood nurse practitioner. Upon hearing me cough in my room, she walked in + said “honey, you’re having an asthma attack.”
I’d been having an asthma attack for 6 days. It took me another 10 days to recover before I could return to work. When I returned, my boss joked that maybe I should consider getting a divorce because I’d never been sick like that before + it seemed like a reasonable course of action. To which I replied that it took me this long to get a husband, that I’m just going to have to suffer + be sick.
I’ve been sick + hospitalized on many occasions over the last 5 years. As I sit here typing between coughing fits, it looks like another trip is in my immediate future.
Any time the weather changes, if I catch a virus, if I have sinus drainage…I have an asthma attack. It’s a chronic condition + it’s draining. On my body. On my self-esteem. On our finances. I worried about the fact that I’m older than him + am sick so much.
In sickness + in health. I am blessed to be with someone who takes these vows seriously. He doesn’t fret too much about me being sick, just about making sure that I can stay as healthy as possible. Hubby warns me when there are sick people in the vicinity, does his best to make sure that I’m bundled up + keeps contagious children away from me {which is like nailing jello to a tree because I love the littles!}
But in order to be able to handle the sickness in your marriage, there are some things that should be in place.
Accepting Your Spouse’s Sickness
One of the most important things that you can do for your spouse is acknowledge + accept your spouse’s sickness. There are many types of illnesses facing our frail bodies, ranging from mental to physical + some of them may not be reversible.
You may be fortunate enough to know about an illness before you get married. More often than not, people will develop an illness as they age {chronic} or they may have something affect them immediately + out of the blue {acute.}
Being able to weather an illness in your marriage is something for which you certainly have to prepare yourself. I encourage you to be positive, but to also be realistic. Go into your marriage with an agape love, which puts the will of God + the needs of others before the desire of self. Phillipians 2:4 reminds us “do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Adjust your mindset that you are a servant first. Find out everything that you can about their illness + proceed accordingly.
Like a pretty, pharmaceutical rainbow.
Learn about what kind of caregiver you are + how to develop your strengths with this book.
Get a support system
I recently met someone who was caring for a husband who had been sick for decades. I was speaking to a group about Marriage Advocates + their importance in the life/health of a marriage. She got very upset with me + protested about how you have to keep people out of your marriage because you will bring in trouble. The thing that I noticed the most though was how tired, frustrated, + angry she was at the life she had in taking care of her husband by herself + without any help.
It broke my heart.
You can’t let just anyone into your marriage. I totally get that. You still have to maintain a hedge of protection around it. But you need a support system when you’re caring for someone with a chronic or terminal illness. Being selfless + living a sacrificial life will eventually take its toll. Even if it’s just someone to give you a few hours to sit quietly by yourself to enjoy a book + some tea…or to take a nap, you need someone in your life who will be there for you to help you in this journey.
*If you don’t have anyone close to you that you may lean upon, check out this resource.*
Taking Care of Sickness Requires Taking Care of Self
It may seem selfish, but when you’re dealing with the serious illness of someone in your charge, you have to make sure that you take care of yourself. Our Creator, who tells us to find rest in Him, actually took a day off {Gen 2:2} to recover from all of the work that He’d done Himself! If He needed to take a break, why would you think that you can keep going full speed ahead? Exodus 23:12 says, “Six days you shall do your work, and on the seventh day you shall rest…” {NKJV}
The honest truth about taking care of anything or anyone else, is that it requires strength + stamina. Those are things that have to be renewed + refreshed. “The liberal person shall be enriched, and he who waters shall himself be watered.” Proverbs 11: 25
Get enough sleep.
Eat healthy + drink lots of water.
Indulge in a good book. Invest in one that invests back into you.
Laugh. A lot. Whenever you can!
Pray…more than you think you should.
Make sure that you get what you need so that you can take care of the person who needs you.
My hubby goes out with his bestie often + I don’t complain too much. I know that he worries about me. He knows that I’m stubborn enough to try + do everything on my own. But I want to make sure that he doesn’t ever feel overwhelmed with his concern for my well-being. It’s the least I can do to make sure that he takes time out for himself; he’s got 2 jobs, school + church to occupy him on top of my issues, so I give him what I can to make sure he has the mental + emotional steadfastness to be in for the long haul.
Because I know he’s vowed to stay in it…in sickness + in health.
Have you had to deal with a spouse’s illness? Were you prepared? Please share in the comments below!
Leave a Reply